David O'ConnellPiranha
August 26th 2010 03:24
A stupendous fifteen minute orgy of gory indulgence saves Piranha from the doldrums of remake hell. Everything else about Alexandre Aja’s regurgitation of Joe Dante’s 1978 B-grade favourite reeks of those offensively stupid elements we can reliably tick off before the first reel is even in place. But though wallowing in crassness, this new incarnation of Piranha at least comes served with tongue in cheek and some amusing nods to the collective forefathers of movie monsterdom; a couple of prominent cameos are laughter-inducing for the nostalgic twinkle they’ll bring to many an embarrassed 40-something eye. And fear not, there’s titillation aplenty for those seeking the very finest in lowbrow entertainment.
Lake Victoria is a scenic paradise but with 20,000 students converging on the town for Spring Break, chaos of one form or another is predicted. What nobody suspects, however, is that the run-of-the-mill, mindless celebration associated with such events will soon give way to the serving up of a colossal banquet with human morsels on every plate. You see, a rift caused by a seismic event reveals a subterranean lake in which a nasty strain of piranha have somehow survived for god knows how many years. Too bad for Lake Victorians then.
Elizabeth Shue and Ving Rhames as the town’s two sheriffs trying to keep their heads, whilst her children put their own lives in peril (in a subplot that bears echoes of Dante’s Peak) – especially eldest son Jake (Steven R. McQueen) who’s inadvertently hooked up with a bunch of so-called porno filmmakers looking for locations to let their salacious desires run free with a video camera.
The first half of the film provides a few cheap thrills but we know everything is building up to an explosive, water-logged bloodletting. The main set-piece is what we’re hankering for and yes, it’s truly worth waiting for, a deliriously demented king-sized portion of fun – especially if you’re the kind of person with the capacity to stay the course with TV programs that hone in on invasive medical procedures. You’ll admit it guiltily - covering your silly smirk - or without shame, but you will admit it: watching people die like this is hilarious!
To ensure mass carnage, Aja takes off the chains and let’s the CGI boffins have their heads, reducing the squad of buxom babes and their over-buffed, bronzened boyfriends to the rampaging squadrons of teeth with bodies attached that the mutant piranhas have become. It would be unfair to spoil enjoyment of the creative ways in which the masses die but suffice to say I had no idea it would be such glorious fun to watch insatiable monsters of the deep chomping away every square inch of human flesh in sight to shreds.
The 3D aspect is possibly underutilized again though it’s such a given in cinemas now that perhaps we’re now just taking the whole thing for granted. It seems nothing less than interaction through a 4th dimension can now sate our technologically spoiled consciousness. And besides, certain things look good in any dimension as the males attending will enthusiastically attest. This is arguably a boy’s film, after all; look no further than a minute long underwater frolic set to classical music in which two glistening, stark-naked, well-rounded beauties glide about like eroticised, cavorting nymphs bumping their perky parts together.
In taking this project on, Aja (to whom horror films will forever be indebted for his masterful Haute Tension) flirted with the possibility of blotting his copybook in a royal fashion, but with the savage, razor-toothed thrust of a stomach-churning fifteen minute crimson tide, it would be fair to say he’s preserved his reputation. In fact, with this effort – as lovingly moronic as it is at its core - the Frenchman will undoubtedly be preventing audience after audience from keeping their dinner dates for some time to come.
| 164 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
Comment by Matt Shea
20/20 Filmsight
Comment by David O'Connell
Screen Fanatic
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Here's to grinning like shameless red-blooded idiots!
Comment by Deni
Abstract Magick
Cinema Herald
But it seems like the director went "all out" on this one that there will be no where left to go for the sequel. Is it possible to get more trashy?
Anyhow, I look forward to checking it out.
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Comment by ShaunK
Screen Adventure
Comment by Bryn
Horrorphile
Comment by David O'Connell
Screen Fanatic
And Shaun, yes, stop being a damn film snob. Scott Pilgrim scarred me too but you've just got to pick yourself up like a man and wallow in some good time, laugh-a-minute killing. It's guaranteed to cheer you up.
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
Fun review as always.
Comment by David O'Connell
Screen Fanatic